Just give me a sec

Its the irony for me, you see
I never planned to be this women
never thought to be doing it this way.
Told myself it was a one time thing
now I find myself, twelve months down the road
and wishing you’d asked me to stay.
The tension thick as ever
without even seeing eachother
and I know I’m probably just scared
‘cause that’s all I’ve learned to be
over the years.

As different people let me down
and chances got lost along the way
and thoughts become reality
making me to scared to stay.
I’ve become the mess that brings the fun
the friend in every romcom
with the serious note, they never explore
because I’m not the lead of the movie
I let someone else take on that role
just to escape the thought
of having to deal with it all.

Because I’m just to scared
to scared to fall
to fall from grace and to not be
the pretty face that hides it all.
Though I’d never say that about myself
I’m more the third gal in a group
the one that makes you comfortable
but you’d never lend a hand
because of all the things she doesn’t show
and now that I’m here
I realise that most probably don’t even know.

It’s not a secret that I keep
it’s just something I’ve learned
to do, to act and not react
I can smile on command,
just give me a sec.
And the thought
that someone would willingly
be there, hold me, without compromise
scares me the most of all.

So I’ll keep my distance
and hope that at some point
I’ll learn, be able, to let them see
that crazy mind of mine
without gaining their sympathy.
Because I’ve been doing this for years
and I know exactly how it works
so don’t bother acting
like you know
and that you could see.

So for now this is where I’ll stay
comfortable in bed
only in contact with you through a screen
cause seeing you again
might make me want to change my plan
and right now,
that’s something I just can’t.